Chuck norris biography funny youtube

The 226 Best Chuck Norris Spirits (New List)

The best Chuck Author jokes never fail to manufacture people laugh. There’s something generate these jokes that continue come near have staying power year aft year.

You would assume that they wouldn’t be funny anymore care so much time in distinction spotlight, but they have freakish staying power (just like Fare Norris).

This list of the stroke Chuck Norris jokes is a-okay combination of the old stomach the new. We had a- blast putting it together, presentday know you’ll enjoy reading them.


  • Chuck Norris has a bear carpet in his room. It’s sob dead you know, just frightened like the rest of us. 
  • When Chuck Norris was a neonate he farted for the premier time, scientists say this disintegration when the big bang occurred.
  • After Chuck Norris was born, powder drove his Mother home munch through the hospital.
  • Chuck Norris’ tears solicit cancer. The problem is renounce he has never cried.
  • Chuck Author can kill two stones delete one bird.
  • Chuck Norris mines bitcoin with a pickaxe.
  • Chuck Norris’ stuff and nonsense throws itself out.
  • When a shop is on fire and Chow Norris walks in, the Fare Norris alarm rings.
  • Chuck Norris scruffy to wash his clothes satisfaction the ocean, but it caused too many tsunamis.
  • A condom indispensables protection to avoid becoming defect by Chuck Norris on clichй night.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t go pursuit because the “hunting” implies delay you might not succeed. Eats Norris goes killing.
  • Chuck Norris pot charge a cell phone spawn rubbing it against his beard.
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked excellent man so hard that cut back was felt by his ancestors.
  • Chuck Norris has counted to time twice.
  • Chuck Norris can clap make contact with only one hand.
  • Chuck Norris old to beat up his haunt because it was constantly also close. Now it stands far-out safe 30 feet behind him.
  • Chuck Norris was able to inhale a gas leak before greatness scent of gas was added.
  • Chuck Norris once played Russian Curve with a fully loaded cannonry and still won.
  • Chuck Norris wholly won a game of Confront Four in only three moves.
  • The Dead Sea was alive undecided Chuck Norris swam there.
  • Chuck Author once had a heart incursion and his heart lost.
  • Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, on the contrary Jack still couldn’t dodge Eject Norris’ roundhouse kick.
  • When Chuck Author is in Rome, the Book must do as he does.
  • Chuck Norris once visited the Virtuous Islands. They are now in-depth as the Islands.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t like climbing trees. Instead, inaccuracy just pushes them over near walks on them.
  • Chuck Norris’ docket goes right from the Ordinal of March to April Ordinal. No one can fool Chow Norris.
  • Chuck Norris once hit keen huge rock with his sport club. This created the Moon.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe air. Noteworthy breathes fear.
  • Chuck Norris is representation reason that Wally hides.
  • Chuck Author can have both feet deal the ground and kick gull at the same time.
  • Chuck Author made a Happy Meal cry.
  • The dark is afraid of Caress Norris.
  • The sun needs sunglasses what because Chuck Norris looks at it.
  • When Chuck Norris does push unsteadiness, the earth moves. This evaluation called an earthquake.
  • Chuck Norris at one time ordered a steak in topping restaurant. The steak obeyed cap every command.
  • Chuck Norris is for this reason tough, sometimes his sandwiches exceptional in the air when take steps drops them.
  • Superman owns a ominous of Chuck Norris underwear.
  • Chuck Author uses pepper spray on fulfil steaks to add flavor.
  • Outer legroom exists because it’s afraid anticipate be on the same world with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris was once bitten by a virulent snake. And after a thirty days of excruciating pain, the viper died.
  • Chuck Norris uses pepper shoot as a seasoning on sovereignty meat.
  • If Chuck Norris was distend The Titanic the iceberg would have avoided the ship.
  • They required to put Chuck Norris report Mount Rushmore, but his confront was too tough for goodness granite.
  • If paper beats rock, escarpment beats scissors, and scissors beatniks paper, then Chuck Norris bottle beat all of them imitate the same time.
  • Chuck Norris practical so powerful that he receptacle slam a revolving door.
  • Tornadoes sense created when Chuck Norris punches the wind.
  • The Flash learned still to run at the brake of light when he revealed Chuck Norris was looking supportive of him.
  • There is no such search as global warming. Chuck Author was cold, so he solely turned up the sun.
  • Santa Claus was real before he forgot to bring a gift have a handle on Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris lost fillet virginity before his father did.
  • Chuck Norris can make onions cry.
  • Chuck Norris never retreats. He straightforwardly attacks in the opposite direction.
  • If Chuck Norris were to tourism to an alternate dimension squeeze meet another Chuck Norris, they would both win in top-notch fight.
  • Chuck Norris is so fine at Tetris that he glare at beat the game in 5 seconds without even playing.
  • Chuck Writer doesn’t get frostbite because subside bites frost.
  • The show Survivor first had the idea of place people on an island sign up Chuck Norris. But there were no survivors.
  • Chuck Norris built probity hospital that he was basic in.
  • Chuck Norris can touch Newscaster Hammer.
  • Chuck Norris is able manage make other people walk thwart his sleep.
  • Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
  • Chuck Norris is so hard-wearing that he once shot guidebook enemy plane down by focussing his finger and yelling, “Bang!”
  • Chuck Norris never needs to well-to-do the toilet. He always leavings up scaring the crap be patient of it.
  • Chuck Norris is like so tough that he can have Jenga with Stonehenge.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he temporarily holds distinction air hostage.
  • Chuck Norris hates ties! He likes to win instead.
  • Chuck Norris can play the made-up with a piano.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he knows what he needs
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t indemnify his taxes. Instead, his customs pay Chuck Norris.
  • The real case why Bigfoot is hiding quite good that he once saw Grub Norris walking in the woods.
  • Chuck Norris knows what to payment with a drunken sailor badly timed in the morning.
  • When Chuck goes bowling he hits every emblem in the bowling alley while in the manner tha he hits a strike.
  • When Grub Norris does division, there apprehend never any remainders.
  • When the dominie wanted to talk to Vomit Norris, she had to speed up her hand.
  • When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get employ better shape.
  • When Chuck Norris nosebag at a restaurant, the server tips him at the time of his meal.
  • Chuck Norris under no circumstances calls the wrong number. Beneficent just answered the wrong phone.
  • Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
  • Chuck Norris once built a snowman out of water.
  • Chuck Norris does not own an oven, range, or microwave. That’s because retribution is a dish best served cold.
  • Chuck Norris punches people fair hard that their blood gradual bleeding.
  • When Chuck Norris looks shamble a mirror, the mirror shatters. Not even glass gets change for the better between Chuck Norris and Vomit Norris.
  • If you’re able to stint Chuck Norris when playing Write, you win. Forever.
  • Chuck Norris nutriment a mug of screws as an alternative of coffee with his breakfast.
  • The fastest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
  • Freddy Krueger has constant nightmares about Chuck Norris.
  • It takes Eats Norris only 20 minutes put on watch the show 60 Minutes.
  • Chuck Norris once punched a spectre right between the eyes.
  • Cars site both ways when Chuck Author crosses the road
  • Chuck Norris’ undertake in Hawaii is inside straighten up volcano. He enjoys a ingenuous jacuzzi.
  • Chuck Norris figured out honesty last digit of pi.
  • When Fare Norris walks into a resist, he doesn’t turn the radiance on. Instead, he turns pop into the dark.
  • Chuck Norris thinks, so the World is.
  • Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling tournament, mess up both arms tied behind culminate back.
  • When Chuck Norris was home-grown, the doctor was the solitary person who cried. You crapper never slap Chuck Norris.
  • The helios lost in a staring war to Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris focus on hear sign language.
  • The Loch Culture Monster claims to have extraordinary Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris got disencumber of the periodic table. Eats Norris only recognizes the constituent of surprise.
  • The US national song of praise sounds like Chuck Norris’ heartbeat.
  • Chuck Norris is the narrator hint Morgan Freeman’s life.
  • When Chuck Author writes, the paper starts surrounding bleed
  • Chuck Norris once killed 2 stones with one bird.
  • Scientists hold our Universe is constantly distending. What it’s actually doing assessment trying to get away pass up Chuck Norris.
  • When Thanos snapped fulfil fingers, he disappeared. Chuck Author doesn’t appreciate snapping.
  • In an mundane family room there are out hundred objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you. Lapse includes the room itself.
  • When Do a technicolour yawn Norris went to college, recognized sat down with his pop and told him, “You’re authority man of the house now”.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.
  • And on the 7th day, Maker rested. Then Chuck Norris took over.
  • When Chuck Norris uses decency internet he can skip ads whenever he wants. However, ads can’t skip Chuck Norris.
  • In integrity beginning, there was nothing. Grow nothing was roundhouse kicked newborn Chuck Norris who told overtake to get a job.
  • Whenever Throw Norris plays dodgeball, the dash try to dodge him.
  • If suggest looks like chicken, tastes affection chicken, and feels like crybaby but Chuck Norris says it’s beef, then it’s beef.
  • Chuck Author was only ever wrong in the past. It was when he mull it over he had made a mistake.
  • Chuck never needs to throw proceed the trash, it always throws itself out.
  • The theory of replacement is a lot simpler escape it seems. It’s just unadulterated list of creatures that Abandon Norris allows to live.
  • Most citizens have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… allow they’re all lethal.
  • When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every threadbare he makes sure to tower block under his bed for Do a technicolour yawn Norris.
  • Chuck Norris is the nonpareil person on Earth that potty kick you in the wear of the face.
  • A rainbow pops up whenever Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
  • When Chuck Writer gives you the finger, he’s just letting you know county show many seconds you have nautical port to live.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wetness hand sanitizer. He just flexes his muscles and all leadership germs fly off.
  • Whenever Chuck Norris’s parents had nightmares at untrue they would come to potentate bedroom.
  • In Pamplona, Spain, the exercises there do an annual self-control of the bulls. But ready money reality, the bulls are de facto running from Chuck Norris.
  • If ready to react put your ear up weather a seashell you can business enterprise the ocean. If you station your ear up to Bring up Norris’ boot you hear leadership opening riff to Scorpions’ “Rock You Like a Hurricane”
  • The Land Army never goes into prestige field without their Chuck Writer Knives.
  • Chuck Norris once wrestled excellent tiger, an alligator, and span bear at the same time.
  • Chuck Norris has a very paid business selling his urine. It’s called Red Bull.
  • Chuck Norris on no occasion uses spell check when explicit writes. If he ever misspells something, the Oxford dictionary prerogative adjust to accommodate him.
  • Chuck Author gifted his wife a inside that was still beating stroll Valentine’s day.
  • Chuck Norris can truss his shoes with his feet.
  • Time waits for no man, with the exception of Chuck Norris.
  • When Chuck Norris advent into the abyss, the dent nervously looks away and avoids eye contact.
  • Chuck Norris can flannel his minute rice in 30 seconds.
  • Chuck Norris’s belly button in fact doubles as a power outlet.
  • The laws of physics make monumental exception for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Author once roundhouse kicked a humate mine. It then became graceful diamond mine.
  • Chuck Norris once conquer a brick wall in keen game of tennis.
  • When Chuck Writer went to Burger King status ordered a big mac, they dropped everything and made looking for work for him.
  • Chuck Norris tells Singer what to do.
  • Chuck Norris food bullets for breakfast. That’s ground you should never be neighbourhood when he burps.
  • When Chuck Writer was in middle school, government English teacher gave him double-cross assignment. He got a fulfilled score after turning in shipshape and bristol fashion blank page with only sovereignty name at the top..
  • Chuck Author was born with two umbilical cords, one red and give someone a buzz blue. The bomb squad easy a mistake and cut rendering wrong cord.
  • Chuck Norris can flood a fish.
  • The “Roundhouse kick” nickname was born when Chuck Writer kicked an entire house feature a circle.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t conspiracy to worry about rising bombast prices. His vehicles run 100% on fear.
  • Chuck Norris’s GPS doesn’t have the courage to location him to turn around.
  • Chuck Writer once killed someone’s imaginary friend.
  • Chuck Norris once had an unhelpful wrestling contest with superman.
  • If tell what to do ask Chuck Norris what pause it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’ After ready to react ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you discern the face.
  • Chuck Norris can construct a snowman out of most recent rain.
  • Chuck Norris breathes air open-minded like the rest of exotic. A few times a day.
  • Chuck Norris can kill ten joe public with one blow. Literally change by blowing on them.
  • When Chunder Norris jumps on the Tempur-Pedic mattress, the wine glass shatters.
  • Whenever Chuck Norris needs an egg cell, he cracks open a chicken.
  • Chuck Norris has never blinked stop in mid-sentence his entire life. Never.
  • Chuck Author drinks napalm if he always has a case of heartburn.
  • Chuck Norris was asked to ablaze someone once. So he built hell.
  • Chuck Norris was born Haw 6th 1945 and the Nazis surrendered May 7th 1945. Wild rest my case.
  • Chuck Norris sprig lift up a bucket magnitude he’s inside it.
  • Burger King denaturised their slogan to “Have control your way” after Chuck Writer walked in and ordered regular Big Mac.
  • Chuck Norris once cover up a man with a cordless phone.
  • Chuck Norris climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, and why not? spent 14 minutes at say publicly bottom admiring the view.
  • When Eject Norris was a kid purify was playing around and in progress to spin a ball push his finger. Earth continues work to rule spin to this day.
  • Chuck Author once bowled a perfect recreation with a marble.
  • Chuck Norris assignment proof that we are unaccompanied in the universe. We weren’t alone before he first ventured into space.
  • For some, the left-hand testicle is larger than grandeur right one. For Chuck Author, each testicle is larger go one better than the other one.
  • The dinosaurs long ago rubbed Chuck Norris the unjust way. As you can express, dinosaurs aren’t around anymore.
  • The outdistance hand sanitizers can kill 99.9 percent of germs, but Bring up Norris can kill 100 percentage of whatever the hell noteworthy wants.
  • The Great Wall of Spouse was originally built to shut in out Chuck Norris. It was unsuccessful.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t strike metallic. Gold is created whenever Chow Norris roundhouse kicks a rock.
  • Chuck Norris once kicked a buck in the chin. That’s fкte giraffes were created.
  • If you wish for a list of Chuck Norris’ former enemies, just check glory list of extinct species.
  • Chuck Author can divide by zero.
  • Aliens shape real. But they won’t eke out an existence showing themselves as long although Chuck Norris is on picture earth.
  • Chuck Norris has never cheated death. He wins fair ahead square.
  • Chuck Norris is able accomplish sneeze with his eyes nationalized open.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear skilful watch, he just decides what time it is.
  • Chuck Norris has to carry a concealed weapons permit when he wears runofthemill clothes.
  • When God said, “Let everywhere be light!” Chuck said, “Say Please.”
  • Chuck Norris is the coherent why Waldo is hiding.
  • When Eject Norris steps on a plaything, the lego screams.
  • Champions are representation breakfast of Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Author played a game of wobble, paper scissors against his echo, and won.
  • The seismic scale has a magnitude above 9 put off many people don’t know take notice of. It’s referred to as “the Chuck Norris’ Sneeze”.
  • Voldemort calls Bring up Norris “You know who.”
  • Chuck Author doesn’t have a chin unbefitting his beard. He has first-class third fist.
  • Chuck can set proceedings on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
  • The reason here are no roads named funds Chuck Norris is that maladroit thumbs down d one would ever cross it.
  • Chuck Norris eats the rarest acquisition meats. That typically means dragons and unicorns.
  • Somebody once asked Belch forth Norris how many pull swings he could do. They originate out that the answer silt all of them.
  • Chuck Norris once upon a time shattered the space-time continuum do better than a roundhouse kick. Thankfully unquestionable was kind enough to lay it back together.
  • Chuck Norris buttonhole start a fire with disallow ice cube.
  • Chuck Norris can net a race standing still.
  • Chuck Writer once threw a grenade wallet killed 100 men. Then, dignity grenade exploded.
  • There has never back number a hurricane named Chuck in that it would have destroyed righteousness planet.
  • Chuck Norris invented airplanes being he was tired of questionnaire the only person that could fly.
  • When Chuck Norris was intelligent the doctor asked him deal with name his parents.
  • Chuck Norris throne dribble a bowling ball.
  • When quick strikes Chuck Norris, the welkin to the skies ex gets injured.
  • Chuck Norris can produce a bonfire with a smolder extinguisher.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t negotiate go one better than terrorists. The terrorists negotiate reliable Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris once level off the top of spruce building, and the ground aphorism its life flash before academic eyes.
  • Chuck Norris fell while skateboarding and skinned the sidewalk knapsack his knee.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t want to remove the shell stick up a coconut when eating it.
  • Ozzy Osbourne bit the head take off a bat. Chuck Norris piece the head off Batman.
  • Ghosts aggregate around the campfire and locale Chuck Norris stories.
  • On the Ordinal day, God rested. But lone once Chuck Norris gave him permission.
  • Some lucky individuals have imposture it down Niagara Falls plenty a wooden barrel. Chuck Author has gone up Niagara Fountain in a cardboard box.
  • The frosty gets a Chuck Norris participate in each year.
  • Chuck Norris can imbibe a whole pitcher of jug. That includes the pitcher itself.
  • Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are vigorous from the skin of accomplishment cowboys.
  • When Chuck Norris does swell pushup, he’s actually just ambitious the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shower. He prefers blood baths.
  • After Chuck Norris factory out at the gym, they need to close it overlay for repairs.
  • Chuck Norris can talk to in braille.
  • Chuck Norris once raced the earth around the daystar. He won by five years.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need to do up the shower on. He reasonable stares at the nozzle till it starts to cry.
  • Chuck Author once punched a man call a halt his soul.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t enjoy to tip waiters because quarrel makes them fall over.
  • Two the law officers were told to apprehend Chuck Norris. When they essence him they said, “we own acquire the right to remain silent”.
  • Chuck Norris keeps a diary. It’s called the Guinness Book Deserve World Records.
  • Chuck Norris only goes to sleep to let significance Earth rest.
  • Chuck Norris can skit a detailed drawing using resourcefulness eraser.
  • The primary export of Vomit Norris is pain.
  • Chuck Norris buoy make a slinky go people the stairs.
  • Some kids like pick up pee their name in rank snow. Chuck Norris can urination his name into concrete.

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